Q. Do you have a Flame?
A. No, but I still love my spouse.

Q. Why should we trust our work with Rocketscience Design?
A. We enjoy making money. In order to do that you also need to make money. Through a clever system of pulleys and levers we have discovered a method to allow us both to grow and prosper.

Q. Is working from home a distraction?
A. Yes it is, but because we have eliminated 53 minutes of commuting time from the day we now have 53 minutes of distraction time available. We are very disciplined about our distractions.

Q. Can you guarantee that our work will be completed on time and budget?
A. Of course. We want to get paid as soon as you do so we’ll move heaven and earth to get the job done.

Q. Can we ask you to turn the music down during a booking?
A. Yes – unless tracks 1,2 or 8 are playing from Radioheads’ album ‘In Rainbows’.

Q. What’s your hourly rate?
A. Our lawyers have instructed us to inform you that it is very competitive compared to many other providers. Of course, some teenager fresh out of design school will do it for a hundy and a bottle of Jagermeister… though job completion may be dependent on when the Jagermeister has been polished off. Results may vary.

Q. So, you really don’t have a Flame?
A. No. Why, in the name of Allah, would we spend large sums of money on a piece of kit like that? We’d have to charge you more and then you would have to cut back on other things, like client lunches down at the viaduct and stocking the work fridge with expensive imported beer. Before you know it most of your clients have jumped ship and you’re about to default on the family mortgage. Believe me, we’re doing you a favour by NOT buying a Flame!

Q. What formats do you work with?
A. Digital Beta, HD, SP, DVCAM, Quicktime, Mpeg, Windows Media, tga, tiff, jpeg, morse code, hieroglyphics, winks and nods.

Q. You don’t have a Digital Beta deck. How on earth do you get a tvc to station?
A. We use a local facility to master, or we use Dubsat. This is a serious answer.

Q. When do you think Peak Oil will happen?
A. This is a highly speculative issue and there are many protractors who think it is a long way off. In 1956 M King Hubbert developed a theory that successfully predicted that US oil production would peak by 1970-71. The Association for the Study of Peak Oil and Gas (ASPO) have stated in early 2008 that Peak Oil will be reached around 2010-2011, though some pundits are saying it has already passed. Unfortunately, due to the timelag between oil discovery and production, Peak Oil will not be apparent until we are already on the slippery slope to knitting our own pullovers and horse and carts. For a diversified approach to this coming crisis we recommend investing in oil companies, tulip growers, razor-wire and freeze-dried food manufacturers. We also think you should learn to grow your own veges and build a chicken coop in the back yard. Oh yeah, composting is good too.

And, no, the hydrogen economy will not materialise out of thin air and save the day.